I was going to start this rant by saying 'There's more than one way to skin a cat' but then I noticed my own feline friend, Paolo Di Cattio (below), watching me balefully from my office chair, claws poised on the leather, and decided to go another route. (I'm having to type this standing up! What strange hold does that cat have over me that stops me from throwing it off?).
How about 'Football's a funny old game' then? A cliché certainly, but in truth, it's not really 'funny' is it? I mean, it's about as simple as you can get: 22 men, 11 in a team with the task of getting one ball in the opposing net and only the goal-keeper can touch the ball with his hands. If it goes off the side then you throw it back on, if it comes off the end you kick it back in from the corner. That's it, isn't it? OK I'll accept the third phase of an offside player who wasn't when he started the move, may require the use of a Quantum Physicist but that aside, what else is there to keep the entire world so fascinated?
Well of course, what is so beautifully exhibited at every tournament, in every league, in any cup competition on any given Saturday, Sunday or whenever is that, in football, nothing is really certain. You can have the greatest forwards in the world but if they come up against the greatest defenders then there's always the possibility that a lucky hoof down the field may result in your team winning even though they've barely crossed the half-way line all game.
Some may find this annoying, but anyone with any soul will find it life-affirming. After all, if sport is to have any meaning then it musn't always be decided before a whistle has been blown, gun fired, toss decided or whatever. In sport as life, if we can decide the outcome before we start then there is absolutely no point in starting. Uncertainty is not just a fact, it's a neccessity!
Now essentially I understand in football that an attacking player or midfielder is viewed as a creator, an artist or artisan. A defender on the other hand is often referred to as a stopper and stopping something is seen as a negative. But is this right? Some of the most stylish and technically gifted players I've seen have been defenders and why should it be that if an intricate fifteen pass move from a group of gifted forwards finds its way onto the head of a brutal, 15 stone lump who dumps it in Row Z, the defender is seen as some sort of spoilsport? I mean, couldn't it be argued those gifted forwards should try and avoid that head if they are any good?
I, for one, am tired, oh so tired, of coaches and even fans bemoaning teams who don't 'play the game'. No lesser light that Laurent Blanc, former World Cup and European Championship winner, said something to this effect this week. "You hope that the team playing football wins but this is not always the case". It's the 'playing football' bit that gets me. It's as if two different games are being played; one by the 'pretty boys' and the other by those clueless oiks who spoil it for the rest. What a load of tosh.
Semantics are very much to the fore here. Ironic really, as the exotically romantic Laurent Blanc would be plain old Larry White if he'd been born here. I notice Patrice Evra (Patty Evra?) joined in after yesterday's honourable draw between France and England too; "England played like Chelsea," said the Manchester United defender. Really? I bloody hope so as it means I'll see England lift a trophy before I shuffle off this mortal coil. But, of course, that wasn't what Evra meant. What he was alluding too is that England annoyingly didn't lay down when the shimmering skills of the French bore down on them.
Now, I'm no supporter of Chelsea, but I get really annoyed by people who seem to resent the fact that the west london club had the audacity to win the Champions League by scoring more goals than they conceded. Terrible of them! How dare they defend to a man and sneak a last minute goal against Barcelona and all their wonderful artists! And what's this nonsense where you score more penalties than the other side? Many people said that 'Football didn't win that night' but I'd say, whatever else you thought about Chelsea's matches against Barcelona and Bayern, football in all it's glorious uncertainty won those nights.
Yes, I'm happy to see skilful play by gifted players and if that results in the team I support winning then so much the better. But you also have to applaud the other side to that particular situation and accept that there is a place for stoical, hard-tackling workers who give it their all and are content to drive on all day and stop - fairly, it has to be stressed - those tasked with doing the creating. And if we want to play 'football' (inverted commas intended) and don't think it's being done correctly the right way at the moment, why not look at the standard of refereeing or find some other way of cutting out the petty ankle taps, shirt tugging and rolling on the floor as if shot when lightly touched antics?
And, yea, I'll don my red and white (possibly blue too) bowler here and claim that in that area, if in no other, others would do well to learn from the British. Interesting that no-one suggests you're not 'playing football' when your players crumple in a heap at the merest suggestion of bodily contact.
Now lest I'm accused of xenophobia - and I will be - I should point out that this 'there's only on of us trying to play football properly' mentality applies to our own nation and leagues as well and I recently experienced it when my own team, West Ham United, won the Play-off final to Blackpool and the Tangerines' central defender complained that the Hammer's were populated by tall lumps who did nothing but try and stop Blackpool's admittedly attractive short passing game. I've had enough!
Football is a wonderful, multi-faceted game and we should embrace all aspects and this arrivisite view - and it has to be said its primarily promoted by exponents of the beautiful game who don't always get to take the trophy home - should be consigned to history as quickly as possible. We're all playing football so stop suggesting otherwise.
Greece v Czech Republic - Poland v Russia
Due to work commitments and the monthly Blagg pub quiz in Colchester tonight - pop along why don't you? (email me) - there's not likely to be much football watching today. But don't let that stop you enjoying yourself, will you?
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