World Cup Diary - Day 5 Here come Germany

Germany off to a flier

The tournament's first dull game and it was the BBC who were cursing their luck. The 0-0 between Iran and Nigeria really had nothing to recommend it at all barring the fact the fact that Iran's Football Association is in complete disarray and has no money, and this draw is therefore something of  a result. 

Germany got off to a fantastic start in the earlier game, trouncing Portugal 4-0. Once again, you have to hand it to the Germans who don't really have anyone of the class of Cristiano Ronaldo, but who somehow make everything look easy regardless. Leading scorer in the 2010 World Cup, Thomas Muller started this tournament off with a hat-trick and a bit of play acting that so incensed Pepe that the Portuguese player bent down and told him so, pushing his forehead into the face of the Bayern Munich player. Muller - who later insisted he remembered nothing of the incident after the 'blow from Pepe's fist' - yea right! - suddenly found the strength to leap from his prone position and jostle his opponent before the players interrupted and the ref waved the red card to the dismiss Pepe. There is no defence of Pepe who deserved his marching orders, but you can see why players get annoyed when a trailing arm that barely brushed Muller's chin apparently has him clutching his nose. Germany never used to get involved in this type of rubbish and it was a shame to see. Retrospective yellow cards are the answer here and it's about time they were introduced.

The game was over by half-time with the Germans 3-0 up, which was a shame for the neutral as a spectator but great for the watching German Premier Angela Merkel who has seen more World Cup games live than I ever will. How odd her diplomatic missions always take her to the country hosting the World Cup.

Final word goes to Jurgen Klinsmann who seems to have developed an American accent; he saw his USA side squeeze past Ghana 2-1 with a late strike from John Brooks. "AWESOME" it sounded like he said.

Today's World Cup Menu
Piri-Piri Chicken, German Peppered Salami, California Zinfandel

World Cup Heroes # 5
Tofiq Bahramov
For decades known simply by Germans and English alike as 'The Russian linesman', Tofiq Bahramov was the representative from the Soviet Union who awarded England the controversial third goal in the 1966 World Cup final. 

After the fall of the Berlin wall and the subsequent demarcation of eastern Europe, Bahramov was found not to be 'Russian' at all but an Azeri in what is now known as - and strictly speaking always was - Azerbaijan.
  

There are no definitive angles to prove now - let alone then - that Geoff Hurst's shot did bounce over the line but consider this; Bahramov was born in 1925 and would have been 16 on 22nd June 1941 when Operation Barbarossa begun and the Nazi's crossed the border into the USSR. He was 41 on that June day in '66 and he was certain he saw another line crossed but this time it was a German one. Without a doubt he was right - because, even if he was wrong, he was right.

Rather quaintly, the Azerbaijan national stadium is known as the 'Tofiq Bahramov Stadium' and the 'Russian Linesman' is something of an Azeiri hero whose accredited quote that "[Football is made up of]  duels.. full of unforeseen turns and even real miracles. And who does not want to be a magician if even for just 90 minutes?" should make anyone warm to him even more.

Bahramov passed away on 26th March 1993, aged 67 and when England and Azerbaijan were drawn together  for the qualifying group of the 2006 World Cup, a special ceremony was held before the game in Baku to honour the only referee to have  a stadium named after him. His Son Bahram met representatives of the visiting fans after the game and touchingly expressed his pleasure that the famous 'Russian Linesman' of 1966 had finally gained his true nationality. "Now that Azerbaijan is independent it's very right for him to be remembered as a member of the Azeri nation. People like Tofiq Bahramov are only born once in a hundred years.

It's rare that we can say: "Two nations salute you, Sir!"

World Cup Diary - Day 4 Father's Day

Pirlo Masterclass Shows Gulf

England fans have a right to be encouraged by the performance, if not the result, of their opening Group D match against Italy, but the undeniable truth is many of the old problems are still apparent. More depressingly though, is the very likelihood that this may never change.

Roy Hodgson’s men had more shots overall, more on target, forced more saves from the Azzurri’s 2^nd choice keeper Salvator Sirigu, forced more corners, conceded fewer fouls and nearly equalled Italy’s possession percentage – always a hard thing to do against a side that retains the ball until they know exactly what they want to do with it – but they still lost mainly due to the greater skill of individual players.

For anyone who loves football, it’s hard not to purr with pleasure when Andrea Pirlo has a ball at his feet. It is astonishing how the 35-year-old playmaker seems to find so much room and is always able to play the most dangerous ball; but what isn’t always clear is just how little energy the Italian expends in creating the most damage. Slow-motion replays of Pirlo at work in TV’s post-match analysis, highlighted how the Juventus midfielder was able to find the maximum space and prompt the next attack. What wasn’t made clear though was how often Pirlo then trotted or slowly drifted into another space created by himself, to be available for the next decisive move. It looked as if he barely broke sweat all night – and considering the sweltering heat of the Amazonian rain forest, that takes some doing. It was great to seem Raheem Sterling running full pelt towards the opposing defence and watch the normally obdurate Italians struggle to deal with the frightening pace, but watch Pirlo and you can see it is not all about speed and agility. Considering all the pre-match talk was about what England were going to do to nullify Pirlo, it is extremely depressing to find that either there was no plan or – more likely – it was decided there was little could be done to stop him dictating play.

Where then is the English equivalent of Andrea Pirlo? A player perhaps not blessed with speed or strength but one just able to find room, create and be virtually unplayable. The truth is there is no-one now, none on the horizon and there hasn’t really been any of note over the last 40 odd years either. English football just doesn’t seem to produce them. Worse, it’s not just a Pirlo equivalent that’s missing. What the Italians had in spades was the ability to get a job done; keep calm and find a way to win. It’s something that builds in successful sides and runs through Italy as a unit – even noticeable when new players are drafted in to replace old. Germany have it too; France and Spain are learning how to do it. England? 1966 was a long time ago now and it shows. The men wearing the Three Lions – young, old, retired or not – simply seem to have a different mental approach.

As a fine example, in Wayne Rooney’s third World Cup, the Manchester United player somehow seems unable to do what he does regularly for his club side. He wasn’t as bad as some are suggesting against Italy – the cross to Daniel Sturridge for England’s goal may have been worth his place -- so this isn’t just another knock for the maligned player who looked uncomfortable in his wide left position against Italy. But for a ‘disappointing’ Rooney consider others. For all his high-profile statesmanship and chequered career, David Beckham came to three World Cups and never contributed as much as Pirlo in a couple of matches. When Beckham pops up in some far-outpost to see an indigenous tribe who have no concept of what a TV is, he is instantly recognised – I doubt Andrea Pirlo would be. But in football terms, who has achieved the most?  There are two differing concepts of football here and England’s sadly isn’t based around winning tournaments.

This isn’t the end of this World Cup for England -- the Costa Rica result may have given them an unexpected lifeline – but for those thinking of further glory, either this year or going forward, another crop of exciting youngsters still may not be enough because the change required is in the head not in the feet.

World Cup Heroes # 4

Pierluigi Collina

Never showed a red card; his eyes just flashed red and the player walked off.

Father's Day all-dayer

The 2 a.m. kick-off for the Japan v. Cote d'Ivoire game meant an interesting late night / early morning for all in the Hardcore Club. I managed it right through to the end of the ITV coverage - by which time if I'd had a gun Glenn Hoddle would have had to take cover - but I'll admit to drifting off during the second half (those reclining sofa chairs have much to commend them).

And that Cote d'Ivoire malarkey. What the feck is that about? I asked on Twitter as I couldn't be bothered to Google it and someone said "It's the French translation, Blagg" Well....derrrr! Thanks for that! It's been a French colony since 1893 or something though - have they only just spotted the men in striped T-shirts smoking Gauloises? (I'm sorry if that is national sterotyping but it's the French so I'm allowed).

Anyway, it's Father's Day and although my kids all live too far away to see me (plus their Father is too zonked out on food and booze to go see them himself) my Daughter-like-thing is taking me round to a local restaurant for an Argentinian Steak.

Today's World Cup Menu 

Japanese Kirin Ichiban beer, Swiss Le Gruyere Cheese, Argentinian Steak with Parra Alta Mendoza Malbec, Honduran Prawns, Pain au Chocolat

World Cup Diary - Day 3 England expects

World Cup Heroes # 3

Bobby Moore

We all know he's the greatest defender the country has ever produced and the only English captain to lift the World Cup, but what's seldom mentioned is how great he looked in white. 

England out-Pirlo'ed again

England 1 Italy 2: A tough defeat to take as England were well worth a draw against Italy and it was difficult after the game to realise that the Italians had scored in that second period and the men in white hadn't. 

Rooney wasted a glorious opportunity late on in a night when he didn't look comfortable again, but the little shredded wheat headed one did lay on a superb cross for Daniel Sturridge's well-taken goal that allowed England to go in level at half-time.

I thought that would be enough as Italy had exploited problems on the England left flank and I was sure Hodgson would sort that out at half-time but five minutes after the break - after an excellent start by England - Balotelli headed Italy in front following a serious of defensive errors and that was pretty much it; Italy do what they always seem to do and just found a way to win. In fact, Andreas Pirlo probably came closer than anyone with a dipping free-kick that hit the crossbar with Joe Hart well-beaten.

Outstanding player was again Pirlo who is so commanding in central midfield that you can only watch and wonder. Showing key moments on TV replay post-match all you noticed was how Pirlo played a ball to start an attack and then jogged into position to follow up or pick up the ball again should it come back. It really is a masterclass and - when all is picked apart by the pundits - the simple fact is England have no-one who can do the same thing and haven't had anyone like that for a long, long time.

It ain't over and if England play like this again they will cause most teams problems. The sad fact is though is that when they come up against a side like Italy they will probably be found wanting again.

Costa Rica's shock 3-1 win over Uruguay has certainly put the C among the P's and this group is going to get very interesting over the next couple of weeks.

Colombia's comprehensive 3-0 win over a lacklustre Greece earlier on in the day was memorable for the opening goal by West Ham's Pabol Armero, a stunning goal celebration and a backdrop of a sea of yellow.

Despite England's defeat it was another good day.

Today I shall mostly be drinking...

Earl Grey Tea, Adnams Broadside, Adnams Ghost Ship, Kourtaki Retsina, Negroamaro Salento red wine 

Today I shall mostly be eating...

Cream Tea, a Greek Dip Selection of Tzatzike, Houmous and a roasted red pepper and feta dip, Greek Olives and Pitta Bread, Lasagne. 

World Cup Diary - Day 2 Arriba!

Goals Galore

Well, who saw that coming? Not even that bloke painted orange wearing the Red Guard style hat would surely have had that score at 500/1. Spain 1 Netherlands 5 in a cracking game that astonishingly could have produced another five or six goals for Holland and another two or three for Spain. It's kick-started the World Cup anyway. What with me dribbling over the football and the Mrs drooling over Thierry Henry, it was a good - if damp - night.

Elsewhere, Mexico rightly beat Cameroon with a winner from Orib Peralta after the Mexican's were incorrectly denied two clear goals for offside. This issue with the poor officiating is going to end up like Frank Lampard's non-goal against Germany in the 2010 tournament; one day there is going to be such a collective outpouring of disbelief over a decision, FIFA will be forced to act.

Still, that goal-line technology thing is great - great to see how clear it was of the line when the ball is nestling beside the back stanchion. "We paid a lot for this technology so we're gonna make sure you see it" a FIFA official didn't say this evening. And that white paint! I love the way Bruno Martins Indi complained when his sponsored boots were given a white strip when he only moved nine yards away. I think refs should employ a spray can for sending off's too. I look forward to seeing John Terry trooping off with a big red splodge on his blue shirt.

The later game between Chile and Australia was a cracker too! Fun seeing the Twitter comments coming up as the Aussies fell two behind after only 15 minutes and it looked as if it was going to be a long night for the men in yellow, but Cahill's superb header really made a game of it and Chile can consider themselves lucky to run out 3-1 winners, although they probably deserved the victory with their striking options.

Interesting how the third goal was scored by a Chilean who plies his trade in Wigan. Whoever thought we'd live so long, eh?

World Cup Heroes # 2

Sir Alf Ramsey

Of course, he managed England to World Cup glory in 1966 - but forget that! Listen to him speak and then remember he came from Dagenham. 

What is also interesting is that - far from having a fabulous blueprint for his 'wingless wonders' - Alf tried three wingers in the group games of the tournament proper, dropping and reinstating Alan Ball along the way; a current England manager would be pilloried for that. 

His best striker, Jimmy Greaves was injured early on, but he found himself in the quarter-final, Geoff Hurst scored against Argentina, Alf labelled the Argentinians 'Animals' and a legend was born.

Today I shall mostly be drinking...
'Desperados' Tequila Cerveza - a faux Mexican beer brewed in Holland - and a can of Foster's

Today I shall mostly be eating...
Sizzling Prawn Fajitas, Dutch Gouda

World Cup Diary - Day 1 Brazil Open Up

Yay! Feeling those Latin rhythms? 

Moving yer fat arse to the Samba beat? (Let's see how often the word 'Samba' gets mentioned over the next few weeks eh?) 

Well, great! Welcome then to the Blagg World Cup Blog - all the stuff you used to enjoy on the old Soccernet site brought to you on a yellow and gold platter, surrounded by gratuitous photos of scantily-clad young ladies.

Like this.

Or indeed this.   

All done in entirely post-ironic way, just like the cameraman at the BBC or ITV. It all starts today, so stick around and feel free to join in.

World Cup Heroes # 1

Pickles the Dog

Pickles was awarded £6,000 for finding the Jules Rimet trophy - that's one feck of a lot of Bonio's for one dog. What is often forgotten though is that poor Pickles met an untimely end just one year later when he throttled himself chasing a cat.

That six grand - worth well over £170,000 at today's prices - must have set his owner, David Corbett, up for life... And - No! - I am not suggesting anything at all. Awarded the National Canine Defence League Silver Medal for services to the dog world, Pickles went on to star with Eric Sykes and and June Whitfield in the 1966 film 'The Spy with the Cold Nose'.

Pictured is Pickles getting his cheque from 'Our 'enry' - Heavyweight boxer Henry Cooper for the uninitiated - I wonder if he opened an account at Barclays? (See what I did there?)

ESPN Blagg Blog

There was a Blagg blog on ESPN FC today too, asked to write a piece about Danny Welbeck's fitness, I looked online and was astonished to discover that Wayne Rooney was now an fully-fledged MD - Who knew? That sorts his career out post-football, I guess. Plus he can do his own hair transplants. Anyway Dr. Rooney has stated that Welbeck is 'fine' so we can all rest easy. 

So with not much to write about I decided to investigate the mosquito situation in Manaus and was surprised to note that the situation isn't that bad in the area as the River Negro has a high acidity quotient and few of the blood-sucking pests live there. 

With the summer we've had here in Blagg Acres in Essex - more bites, rashes and itches I've ever had in my life in any country I've visited (and that include the Florida Everglades); stop me and ask me about the Caterpillar form of the Brown Tailed Moth sometime - it's comforting to know that all I need to do is throw a few gallons of acid into the local pond and me and Lady B. can sleep in peace. 

You can find the blog here: Blagg ESPN Blog 12/06

Today I shall mostly be drinking...

Fausto de Pizzato Cabernet Sauvignon Vinho Tinto
from the Vale dos Vinhedos, Brazil
(from http://woodbridgewines.co.uk/) 

Today I shall mostly be eating...

ACARAJE - Black Bean Fritters

Ingredients

• 2 x 400g cans black eyed peas, rinsed, drained and dried
• 1 scotch bonnet chilli, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 1 onion, finely diced
• Approx. 2 tbsp flour
• Extra flour and polenta, for coating
• Oil to deep fry

For the filling

• 1 onion, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 tsp chilli powder
• 300g jumbo shrimp
• Zest and juice of 1 lime

To serve

• Mayonnaise mixed with hot sauce and yellow mustard

Method

1. To make the fritters, puree the peas, chilli, garlic and onion until smooth.

2. Fold in the flour until the mix holds it shape. Add a bit more than 2 tbsp if necessary.. Shape into about 12 balls or ovals.
3. Roll in a mixture of flour and polenta. Deep fry for 3 minutes, drain, then cut in half.
4. To make the filling, gently fry the onion, garlic and chilli for 12 minutes until golden.
5. Add the shrimp and lime, then cook for another 3-4 minutes.
6. Spoon the mix into the middle of the fritters (like a sandwich) and serve with spicy mayo.

** Thanks to Simon Rimmer for this recipe. For more of this type of thing visit Sunday Brunch Recipes

AND  - Croatian Sausage from 'Taste of Croatia', 71 Crouch Hill End N8

Goes bloody well with the wine too - Result! 

Brazil 3  Croatia 1

World Cups come and World Cups go but some things remain the same. 

When Japanese referee Yuici Nishimura pointed to the spot after 71 minutes to indicate that Fred had been fouled by Djan Lovren despite their being barely any contact - at least none that would otherwise mean a penalty would be awarded every two minutes in every game in every league - we knew that controversy had again won over pure football and everything was as it has always been.

Neymar's subsequent penalty together with the 29th minute strike that pulled Brazil level after Croatia had been given an early lead by Marcelo, meant the Brazilian had got his team off to the start they wanted. But Oscar's late goal with Croatia pushing for an equalizer, gave the score-line a gloss it didn't really deserve. The Croatians had run the men in yellow close, and this might have been a different result but for poor decision making by the official. 

Still, the competition is up and running and we're all arguing over cheating footballers and incompetent refs. It's probably what we've been waiting four years for. 

Travelling Light

There is a slight irony in the fact that the England football team could learn from a quotation from one of Scotland’s foremost novelists, in order to fully appreciate their relationship with the World Cup in recent times. For, since the seventies at least, Robert Louis Stevenson’s edict that “to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour” really sums up the endeavours of the men wearing the Three Lions.

For perhaps the first time since the days of  the 1966 triumph, England arrive at a World Cup virtually unheralded and with a general consensus that the national team will probably do well to emerge unscathed from the group. Not only is everyone aware of this, most are comfortable with it. 

This is a situation so alien to most England fans brought up on a diet of jingoistic fervour every four years, some of us have had to revert to type and assume the attempt to downplay the team’s chances are merely to lull the other nations into a false sense of security when playing the national side. Why there’s even been a psychology coach – Steve Peters and his ‘inner chimp’ – brought in by Roy Hodgson to further confuse opponents. 

So subtle is this ploy, some rumours have  suggested England may even have the mental capacity to deal with a penalty shoot-out should they manage to get to the knock-out stages. It is indeed a cunning plan.

That the ‘thirty years of hurt’ – it will be half-a-century soon and they will have to write a new song just to fit it in -  looks unlikely to be unchallenged again in 2014, isn’t really the surprise; After all, everyone is used to that by now. What is shocking is that everyone is just so resigned to joyful travelling, happy that the real success is just being in Brazil at all.

It’s rarely been so.

My first blog as England correspondent for ESPN was for the 2002 competition in Japan and South Korea where England arrived off of the back of a last minute wonder free-kick by David Beckham against Greece – a victory that consigned Germany to the Play-off’s, lest we forget – and a tournament where bitter rivals Argentina were also despatched en route to a quarter-final spot against Brazil. 

With Sven Goran Eriksson in charge, Beckham as talisman and the memories of a glorious 5-1 win over Germany in Munich in the qualifiers, England started the match with high hopes, but they were dashed by a 2-1 score line in an insipid performance against a Brazilian side – a match in which England  lead and Brazil played with ten men for 30 minutes – where it almost seemed as if the team in white were just happy to have  a close game against the eventual winners.

With the tournament petering out in such a poor semi-final match-up that England fans were even willing Germany to get past South Korea and Brazil to beat Turkey so some semblance of a final could be enjoyed, it all became a rather familiar feeling; one where opportunities had been lost

In a glorious tournament in Germany in 2006 – the only World Cup I’ve ever been lucky enough to attend – England again flattered to deceive, emerging  as group leaders and defeating Eucador before once again slipping out at the quarter-final stage on penalties against Portugal with Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher all missing from the spot in a ‘Did that really happen?’ moment that looks more unbelievable now than it did at the time. In this match, it was England who finished with ten men as Wayne Rooney was sent off after a famous tussle with Cristiano Ronaldo and his wink. Eriksson resigned as manager and Fabio Capello was eventually named as his successor.

In South Africa in 2010, goalkeeper Robert Green’s astonishing blunder which allowed a speculative Clint Dempsey shot to slip through his hands, gave the U.S.A a 1-1 draw with England and thus saw the Americans qualify as group winners , forcing the Three Lions to face their old foe Germany in the Group of 16. 

In the seemingly  inevitable result – and as if the 4-1 defeat wasn’t enough - the match was marred by an obvious ‘goal’ by Lampard being ruled out as ‘not crossing the line,’ despite the ball being at least a foot over. This was a decision that would have seen England go in level at 2-2 at half-time and, so seismic was the error, so loud the intake of breath from the rest of the football world, even Sepp Blatter was forced to concede that goal-line technology was required.

This time around though, the expectations are different as, frankly, there are none. Roy Hodgson’s intriguing blend of youth and experience has one eye on the future; the senior players can have a last hurrah and the younger ones can just learn and step up in Russia or Qatar. Of course there’s nothing to see here: move along please! 

And yet…and yet… IF England were to emerge from the group, a quarter-final place would look a good possibility. But is there a need to fall into the old way of thinking? That we’re England and we should do well because we invented the game and were probably better at it than anyone for half-a-century but we were so arrogant we never thought it worth proving? Perhaps it’s better to accept that this is a clean slate, enjoy the journey and not worry.

In fact, forget the Scotsman - let’s go with the old Japanese proverb that says ‘It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive disenchanted”. Now that is a mantra any England fan can understand!

World Cup 2014

Thanks to the large number of people who've emailed me requesting an Old Skool World Cup Blagg Blog, I'm going to try and resurrect the old hoopla and irreverence and do a daily diary here for the next few weeks.

Yea, I know I should have better things to do - but what the hell...

I doubt I'll be able to top the 2006 campaign where I ended up having an argument with a Harvard professor about whether or not Charles Bukowski qualified as a beat poet; a discussion bought about by a poor David Beckham corner incidentally (don't ask!)  - but I'm trying to get Lady B on board for the competing game recipes that proved so popular in 2010 and I'll be posting unedited versions of the blogs that find their way onto the ESPN World Cup pages. I may even bore you with old tales of past World Cup misery. And if anyone wants to suggest an appropriate meal and drink for each highlighted game then I'll be truly indebted.

It'll all end in tears so let's just enjoy the journey, eh?

West Ham United - End of term report

Intro (what kind of season has it been, expectations vs. reality)

The hearts of generations of adults from the East end  will sink when they recall that old school report that proclaimed the simple message: ‘Could do better’ but that epithet surely applies to West Ham United this season. Managers, players and owners all talk about ‘pushing on’ and that was the expectation of Hammers fans in 2013/14. Most will say there has been a good deal of marching on the spot though, while others may even claim the team has staggered back. The truth is – though it is still unpalatable to some -  is that mid-table is an acceptable position when you consider the club’s bank balance and  the way the Premier league is financially structured and, though this an oft-repeated mantra, that won’t really change until the Hammers move to Stratford. However, for most fans it’s not the table position but how it’s obtained that’s the issue and that is where most of the arguments lie. It still seems bizarre to think of the season’s one bright spot - Ravel Morrison - being loaned to QPR; while Injuries – particularly in the crucial period around New Year – were a major factor in how the season panned out. A lot of issues could be resolved if, against all historical precedent, the team were able to get by on minimal visits to the physio’s room, while some semblance of a return to the long-held Academy ideals might encourage less negativity at home.

Star Pupil (team’s best player)

Mark Noble was voted ‘Hammer of the Year’ at the annual awards ceremony and it is testament to the type of season that West Ham have had that the accolade has gone to a favourite son of the club, someone who has shone at times and been not found wanting at others. For though he’s had a solid season with some highlights, even Noble hasn’t always been outstanding; rather this is a reward for years of selfless service to the claret and blue cause. Injuries to last year’s winner Winston Reid has only highlighted the Hammers’ problems this campaign with high-profile signings like Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing and Matt Jarvis either not playing enough or simply not performing to the standards expected. James Tomkins – runner-up as HOTY – was really the only other outstanding individual performer and it was good to see another local favourite show that often the best players are those right underneath your nose – something Sam Allardyce would do well to heed.

Detention (the worst)

In much the same way that Mark Noble’s efforts were viewed this season, so If West Ham were a school there would  a large number of surly looking players all standing outside the Headmaster’s study, kicking the walls, looking at each other and muttering under their breath “It’s his fault we've got detention”. Nobody has been truly awful, it’s just no-one seems to have performed at their peak either. There have been some oddities about the season too. Every time Matthew Taylor or George McCartney drop out of the side, terrace experts – and I count myself among them – confidently predict that their span at the club is at an end and it’s time for them to move on.  The team then start to struggle, the players are re-introduced and suddenly things start to tighten up again. The win percentage with Matt Taylor as holding midfielder is quite staggering and likely to earn the player a contract extension if Sam stays; this though is  a player constantly undermined by supporters and one who I suggested should be sold  during the last transfer window. Similarly, although a little closer to the fans’ hearts – George McCartney just plods away doing what he does well and without fuss. Arguments within the Irons faithful still revolve around captain Kevin Nolan’s role, while it often seems that opposing supporters still view the Liverpudlian as the Hammers danger man. West Ham are that kind of confused club currently.

Teachers’ notes (comment on the manager/tactics)

Ah, Sam Allardyce! Where do you begin eh? Never afraid to lapse into hyperbole, I suggested earlier this season that there was some sort of battle going on for the soul of West Ham United and the man at the centre of that fight is surely Big Sam. Love him or hate him – and the recent cross-site opinion poll seemed to suggest the latter – the ex-Bolton boss just keeps doing what he always does. Obdurate at best, plain ornery at worst, if you look up in the dictionary for ‘bluff Northerner’ then Sam surely has his picture there. Football has always enjoyed a fierce north / south divide and the fan / manager relationship at Upton Park is that conundrum writ large. Sam plays the percentages and will never chase a cause if he feels it’s lost but putting out a youth team to get slaughtered at Nottingham Forest in the F.A. cup – a season low - was a major error and one no West Ham fan ever wants to see again. Nevertheless, this blog has broadly supported Allardyce and – although my enthusiasm isn’t shared by others – I enjoy seeing a miserly defensive performance underlined by this season’s 14 clean sheets. Allardyce needs to meet the supporters some way though and a bit of flair and pace for next season, allied to the manager’s undoubted prowess at the art of defending, will surely send the poll results swinging slightly the other way. I’m not sure there will ever be an Allardyce love-in though. Unlike others, I believe the manager knows he needs to win more, can only do that by attacking and being more creative,  and will attempt to do it where possible with the right players. The problem is that Sam hasn’t really proved he is able to either unearth or purchase those right players. Moving forward, much could depend on if the boss can keep and utilise Ravel Morrison. Assuming Sam stays –expect more of the same next season with a bit more pace and an attempt to play some more expansive football when applicable. If Allardyce goes, expect utter confusion and, if some of the names mentioned get the job, relegation

Final grade (A+, F, etc etc – where do they improve next season?)

West Ham’s final league placing leaves the club in almost exactly the same situation as last year and fans will expect some large investment to the squad to improve performance – particularly in the entertainment department – to push the Hammers into a comfortable top ten place as they go into their penultimate season at the Boleyn. Even those outside of the club could tell what is needed at Upton Park  next season and that is some flair and pace to make the team less one-dimensional. It has to be remembered though that if Uncle Sam’s one dimension isn't as popular or as successful as the manager seems to think it should be, it still produces results and the West Brom keeper Ben Foster’s highly-noted comments that ‘you know you will get from West Ham’ doesn't disguise the fact that knowing isn't enough for some sides to be able to do anything about it.

Grading a injury-hit, frustrating, inconsistent but ultimately mid-table season isn't easy but, if the grades are the same as when I went to school – usually from A to F(ail) – then what can be given other than a mid-table C+ (Spurs results, Semi-final cup run, February, clean sheets) or C- (Crystal Palace results, FA Cup 3^rd round, January, poor entertainment)

Florid Flores

(East London Guardian - February 2014)

West Ham fans are beside themselves with anger over the 3 match ban handed out to Andy Carroll for his alleged ‘assault’ on Chico Flores in the match against Swansea at Upton Park, and quite rightly so.

It seems astonishing that a governing body that prides itself on ‘Respect’ and ‘Fair Play’ can once again ignore evidence that is  put before it  Even if you accept that Carroll’s training arm was intentionally aimed and struck the head of Chico Flores during the match. Video evidence clearly show the arm brushed the top of Flores’ head and was nowhere near his face, and for the defender to roll on the floor clutching his face is cheating – pure and simple. So ban Andy Carroll – perhaps at a stretch, but to let Flores off with not so much as a reprimand? Appalling! Post-match red cards should be given out as well as rescinded. But why wait till the end of the match anyway?

Of course, the issue here is that football’s governing bodies- either at national or international level- are notoriously slow in accepting new technology as a way of enhancing the rules of the game. In Tennis, Rugby and Cricket – to name just three sports – not only has technology been welcomed, it has been proved to have been extremely beneficial - even to the extent of making the games more exciting as spectators watch replays on a big screen.

In football the (poor) argument is that the game is ‘too fast’ to allow stoppages but, while this may be the case in open play, what difference would it make when the game naturally halts. In an offside decision, for example, the play comes to a standstill as the linesman waves his flag or the team celebrates after a goal is scored. What delay is there in not flagging at all for an offside and letting an independent linesman see moments later if the pass was offside or not?

As a reminder of how slow football can be to accept change, consider the time it took to accept goal-line technology. As FIFA began the slow process of asking companies to tender for the technology to decide if a ball had crossed a white line or not, I recall my own attempts to interest Sepp Blatter in something I had myself devised. My ‘invention’ was something I called ‘Tee-Vee’. It’s a little complicated to explain here, but essentially it consisted of a box made of glass and plastic and it sat in the corner of a room and replayed the moments of any match on something I called a ‘Vee-D-O recorder’. I thought it was pretty successful – after all, when Frank Lampard’s ‘goal’ in the 2010  World Cup match with Germany was said not to have crossed the line despite being two yards over, I was able to say with certainty it had before Frank himself had run 30 yards to remonstrate with the referee.

I was astonished when no-one took my invention seriously. Admittedly, my Tee-Vee couldn’t reveal if Geoff Hurst’s goal in the 1966 World Cup final had crossed the line but no technology is 100%.

That's Amore

(February 2014)

It sometimes seems as if whole generations has come and gone without West Ham winning anything. It’s not strictly accurate, of course, but even so it’s a rare week when the Hammers find themselves topping polls and winning awards. This then should be a time for congratulations.

The Manager of the Month Award was deservedly won by Sam Allardyce for his presiding over a four-win February that lifted the Hammers from relegation contenders to the ‘Best of the Rest’ position in 10^th place. Although Sam has had – and will probably always continue to have - a rough ride from certain sections of the Upton Park faithful, there should be a little bit of joy in everyone’s heart - Hammers’ or not - for a club who have stuck with their Manager and actually seen him win through. It would be nice to think that when the pressure builds next season, the immediate plan of the bottom eight clubs won’t be to sack the incumbent manager and install someone who is supposed to be better but often isn't, but rather, perhaps look at what has happened at the Boleyn over the past five weeks, grit their teeth and resolve to fight on with the man they thought was good enough to start with.

As if that wasn’t enough though, the Boleyn is buzzing with the news that West Ham fans have topped a poll for the best ‘terrace’ chant. Directed at former Hammer’s favourite Rio Ferdinand and sung to the tune of Duran Duran’s ‘Rio’, the lines ‘His name is Rio and he watches from the stand’ – a reference to the Manchester United defender’s ban for missing a drug test - was elected to be the best chant in a poll conducted to celebrate the launch of Oulala - a free fantasy football game - in which 1,500 British football fans were polled to find the funniest football terrace chants of the last ten years. It should be worth noting though that the ‘Rio’ song was used when Peckham-born centre-half was a West Ham player - 'He's name is Rio and he's a West Ham man' - and the flipping of a song of celebration to one of derision is one of the more delicious things about a stadium chant.

Odd then the placing of the Runner-up award at the feet of Fulham’s fans for their chant directed at another ex-West Ham player, Bobby Zamora. Sung to the tune of Dean Martin’s ‘That's Amore’ the line ‘When your sat in Row Z and the ball hits your head, that’s Zamora’, the decision will leave many Hammers fans scratching their head as to who sat in judgement of this award.

Now  for those of us who remember the Football League before the ‘Year Zero’ exploits of the F.A., the terrace chant is now something of a  lost art. But when discussing recently if the quick wit of the ‘terraces’ was still available, I cited the song about Zamora as an example of continued excellence. For Bobby Z is a player who still finds a place in the heart of those of us who were at the Play-off final v Preston in Alan Pardew’s second season at the club. It was Zamora who scored the solitary goal in a tense match to send the Irons back to the Premier League and the glorious season that eventually ended in heartbreak at Wembley in 2006. In fact, it was Zamora’s late season and Play-off form that resurrected a poor season and almost single-handedly propelled West Ham back into the top flight.

But after that Play-off victory, in a delirious (but in truth wholly unnecessary) open-top bus celebration, the team were met at the gates of the Boleyn by a Dean Martin impersonator who led the assembled crowd through  various renditions of ‘Amore’ including the one that had the line ‘When the ball hits the net like an Exocet jet (sic), that’s Amore’. The song could be heard in various forms as the team moved through the 2005/06 season to the F.A. Cup final and was definitely sung at the final itself.

However, as the team fell apart in the following season’s ‘Tevezgate’ fiasco, it was deemed – quite incorrectly in most supporter’s views – that Bobby Z was surplus to requirements and he was sold to Roy Hodgson’s Fulham where he went on to have a couple of excellent season’s. Howver, in the next game where West Ham played Fulham, after initially being welcomed back as a popular ex-player, the ‘exocet jet’ lyric was immediately changed to ‘Row Z’ in a superb and highly amusing about-face, that had many fans openly laughing at the quick wit on display.

Quite how then Fulham have ended up with the Runner’s-Up Award is a bit of a mystery. There is no doubt at all that West Ham fans used the chant first and there are even rumours that they borrowed it from Zamora’s previous club Tottenham. I’m even wondering if the ‘Chant Committee’ were at the West Ham v Fulham game and got confused over which end of the stadium was singing the song.

Still, perhaps it’s best not to be churlish. Two awards in a week is probably enough and there’s a good chance the Runner-up accolade might be the highlight of Fulham’s season.

Now leave me alone, I’ve got a song in my head that won’t go away and I’m off to find a Dean Martin CD…

A Taylor Report

(April 2014)

Ever keen to go against the flow – it’s been a problem for me since I was a child so blame my Mother – I’m not at all disappointed to see the debate going on over the standard of referring displayed at last weekend’s game against Liverpool at the Boleyn. Sam Allardyce and his ilk would apparently rather see us discussing the game and not the officials, but without the debate and confusion over decisions like those we saw on Sunday, what is left? Sam says he’d rather lose a game to goals scored in open play and not penalties or free kicks, but this seems to be rather an ironic  comment from a man who has become something of  a master at stopping teams from creating anything on the normal field of play.

In the asinine world of 21^st Century Premier League football, where the top five teams are virtually decided before a ball is kicked and the only ‘interest’ – and I use the term loosely – is in what order they eventually finish, the continuing arguments about what the referee and his colleagues see or don’t see is often the only talking point.

Rather than berate Anthony Taylor for his decisions we should be lauding him for keeping us all guessing as to what is likely to happen on the pitch once the whistle blows. And before the Referee’s Union gets all huffy here and starts telling us we don’t know the rules – we know we don’t know, that’s the fun in it! – I’m not here to haul Taylor over the coals, but rather sympathise with some of the issues the modern game officials face.

I mean, intentional handball in the area resulting in a penalty, is surely the most basic of rules and one that kids in the park can be seen to scream from an early age. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen as many appeals for handball as I’ve seen these past few years though. My guess on this is the newer lightweight balls causes the flight, direction and – significantly – elevation, to confuse defenders who, even with the heightened skill and senses of the modern professional,  can barely move out of the way in time. 

It seems incredible to me that a player at the top of his game would deliberately touch the ball knowing they would face Steven Gerrard or Frank Lampard from 12 yards, but the slight movement of hand to ball – the deciding issue in any penalty regardless of whether it’s awarded by a referee on the pitch or via TV – seems to occur more and more. The increase in this can be marked by the frequent sight of defenders funnelling back into the area with their arms behind their back – what is that about? – surely an indication that there has been some subtle change somewhere. 

My guess – and I’ll admit it’s based on nothing at all other than what I’ve seen or experienced – is that there’s always been an instinct to move the hand or arm, after all the limb has always been used for balance and  elevation,  but the micro-seconds it takes for a top sportsman to realise that would be a mistake and move it away, has been lost by the technological advances in the ball design.

But doesn’t that then cause issues with the definition of deliberate? Had we been able to read James Tomkins’ mind in the split second before he touched the ball, would we have seen the thought bubble that said ‘I’m beaten here, I’ll just see if I can get a touch with my hand and hope the ref doesn’t spot it’. I’m guessing not. I’d be surprised if more that 5% of handball awards were actually premeditated decisions to stop the ball going where it was intended. Of course, that does produce an argument as to the fairness of most penalties anyway, but that aside, at least the following argument - namely whether or not the player should have been sent off for giving away a spot kick as last defender -  is then a non-starter for me.  

We all recognise the ‘professional foul’ – officials best of all – and only the blatantly deliberate stopping of a goal should result in a dismissal; a mistimed tackle or a handball during an attempt to tackle or clearance shouldn’t be enough.  The irony here Is that there is no more blatantly ‘professional’ way of stopping someone than by pulling the shirt – how many penalties get given a season for that though, considering how often you see it on TV highlights? If a shirt tug resulted in a penalty every time, the poor old Sam would be on heart pills.

With regard to the foul being given by an official against a player who touches the ball but ‘follows through’ to tackle an opponent, there is an urban myth attached that seems burned into the minds of many – some of those actually playing the game. Is there ever a week when we don’t see a player making that circular motion with their hands indicating that it couldn’t have been a foul as they touched the ball first? The rules of the game say nothing about this though. When  Hammers keeper Adrian  came out to stop Liverpool’s  John Flanagan’s run, he got a first touch but he didn’t significantly alter the course of the ball, clattering into the attacker on movement alone and sending him sprawling. Under current rules regarding the ‘second phase’ Referee Taylor decided the forward movement was a foul as it stopped the attacking player from staying on his feet and getting another touch of the ball, and it seems this decision has been backed by many retired officials (If only we heard from as many currents refs as we do previous ones!) .

Inevitably this does raise other questions about the rules and their interpretation: First would be was Flanagan or another Liverpool player really able to take advantage had the ‘secondary’ movement not occurred? Secondly – and for me this is really important - if the only way Adrian could have stopped conceding a penalty was to stay on his feet, allow Flanagan to get a shot in and hope to clear it, doesn’t this then effectively make football a non-contact sport? Tricky one this: on one hand the problem could be solved by making ‘first contact’ an actual rule, but what would you then do with a player getting an obvious touch first but with studs high and breaking an opponents leg on follow-through?  Frankly, I don’t see an obvious answer to this bar use of common-sense that I’m sure Anthony Taylor will almost certainly say he applied anyway.

The last talking point is surely the easiest to solve and the least contentious – unless of course you’re a FIFA official. The third referee needs to be away from the touch-line and looking at a TV. It’s true West Ham would have had the goal they did score against Liverpool ruled out but I can think of at least one occasion this season where a point would have been gained elsewhere, had this been employed. It’s a nonsense when a referee is talking to a linesman about what did or didn’t occur when the incident is being played (illegally incidentally) on a big screen behind them. 

As we saw last weekend in the Fulham match, the new goal line technology can show a ball 2 centimetres on the line so why not use that same technology to further benefit the game? Imagine  a miked-up referee explaining over the tannoy why Andy Carroll’s goal had been ruled out, then add why he decided to give a penalty later. Top entertainment! And I say this from someone who would have suffered from the decisions. Add that to the instant offside decision and you have – if you’ll excuse the term – a whole new ball-game.

If only someone had the time and money to replay every Premier league game this season with the hindsight of technology, I wonder how the league table world look? 

In a sport that has evolved to the point where contentious issues are often the only uncertainty, it would be a wonderful paradox to  actually find Anthony Taylor as some sort of championing hero.

The Allardyce Conundrum

It would be too grandiose to say that there is a battle for the soul of West Ham going on -- that one was fought when Terence Brown introduced the Bond Scheme during the tenure of Billy Bonds -- but there is at least a definite movement in place; one that would appear to the outsider to be something of an oddity.

Fans are often turning on the board and the manager -- there's nothing strange about that and, in fact, a rather high-flying example is going on right now over in the North-west of England -- but the one at Upton Park is something of a curiosity to anyone not involved in the club.

Hammers fans, many of whom have never seen any major success bar a cup final runners-up place and a couple of nail-biting Play-off victories, are striking out at a manager who has the temerity to bring them something fans of many other clubs have hankered after for a long time: Premier league mid-table tedium. Sound harsh? Perhaps, but let's look at the real facts.

West Ham United are a club built around a foundation laid in the late 1950s. Promotion under Ted Fenton in 1958 and the Academy ideals under the coaching of Malcolm Allison -- including the mentoring of a young defender named Bobby Moore -- led to the revolutionary ideas of a forward-thinking manager called Ron Greenwood. When the Hammers won the 1964 Cup final and the 1965 Cup Winners Cup -- the latter playing an entirely new brand of football -- they were part of the zeitgeist, even before they provided the backbone of the 1966 World Cup team.

Only the second team after Spurs to win a European competition, West Ham were at the forefront of a new social phenomena, where working-class kids suddenly become celebrities, role models, men to be admired and feted. With it came advertising, sponsorship and world-wide fame. The Sixties was a defining decade and West Ham were its glamour club.

The football though, strained through the beliefs of Fenton, Allison, Greenwood and then John Lyall, provided a legacy that generations of east Londoners have never forgotten. Although that first line of heroes eventually retired, the likes of Trevor Brooking and Alan Devonshire simply took up the mantle and later came Tony Cottee and Alvin Martin, Rio Ferdinand and Joe Cole. The idea of the Academy legacy became so ingrained that even neutrals would speak of imports like Trevor Sinclair, Paolo di Canio and even Carlos Tevez as being 'West Ham players' playing 'the right way'.

The long-term league table

Yet the Hammers have no real league success to speak of. In a league table of clubs who have played the most seasons in the top division, West Ham sit 22nd with 56. Almost out on their own in many ways, they loiter just below Nottingham Forest (European and League winners under Brian Clough), who they will overtake next season. The Hammers closest rivals in this table are teams like Birmingham (20th - 57) and Stoke (19th - 58), winners of a League Cup or so but nothing else. Bolton in 12th are the only club with comparable cup success but no league title -- and they have never won a European competition.

But it's at the other end of this scale where things get interesting. Leeds United (24th - 50), Aston Villa (2nd - 103), and Manchester City (6th - 85) are all clubs that have won the league, a European trophy and have lost their top tier status relatively recently. In fact, all have sunk even further.

When the Hammers have dropped out of the top flight they have always returned in a couple of seasons, always in the running for a quick reinstatement to 'where they belong' even when they have fallen short. They've never dropped into the third tier, never even come close. It depends how you measure your success, of course -- supporters of some clubs may snicker behind their hands here -- but West Ham have been moderately successful for a long time.

But how would some from outside the club view this? Someone from Chelsea or Newcastle or even Bolton, for example? Would they see West Ham as a 'big and successful' club ? Or a middleweight club that once punched above its weight? Of course it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, and there's an excellent argument that says West Ham have suffered historically from poor decisions at the very top and chronic under-investment elsewhere -- they could and should be bigger than they actually are. But the truth is that West Ham's real status is very much what they can expect from their board and manager. Let's not forget that financially, Upton Park is still very much in the pocket of the bank.

Allardyce's motives

I'd argue that as it stands the Hammers are a mid-table team -- comfortably so with the right manager in charge -- and the board are only asking one thing of that man. The remit here is pretty simple. West Ham United are leaving their home of the last century and are moving into a smart new pad down the road. Some want to go, some don't -- but that's another argument. What is certain, though, is that the Hammers need to go into their new stadium in Stratford as a Premier League club and to do that they need to avoid the type of seasons that occurred only too recently under Glenn Roeder and Avram Grant. And if Roeder can claim he was unlucky to be at the helm when the club were relegated with a record 42 points -- just pipped ironically by Sam Allardyce's Bolton -- then Gianfranco Zola might have to admit he grabbed some of that luck back by surviving with 35 points. When you factor in Alan Curbishley’s Tevez-led Great Escape, you have to admit there's something of a trend here.

Sam Allardyce was bought in to get the Hammers back to the Premiership -- something he achieved at the first time of asking albeit via a Play-off -- and to make sure they stay there. Allardyce is a pragmatist who plays a percentage game. He's always looking to make sure his teams score more points than games played because he knows 40 odd points normally secures safety. If his team are 2-1 up with five minutes to play, he will not want his players chasing a third to make sure -- something West Ham fans of all ages would have grown up with -- he knows that under his coaching his team should be able to defend for that time and that almost guarantees three points.

There's nothing inherently wrong with this, and in fact it's something any successful manager would instil into his players. It's also the reason I have more time for Big Sam than some. I like to see a side defend well and I'm wearied by years of watching good positions thrown away in a kamikaze attempt to blitz opponents off the pitch with superior skill and tactics -- not because I wouldn't want to see that, you understand -- but rather because West Ham have rarely had the players to do it.

So if Sam has instilled a sound defensive mentality, what is everyone complaining about? Well, the problem is that the defensive aspect seems to have overridden everything else. The Hammers only route forward seems to be a high ball and there were times against 10-man Hull on Wednesday night when it looked as if the home side were the team a man down. Hull found men in forward space frequently, West Ham only looked behind them.

In fact, some players seem utterly incapable of finding someone with a forward pass and it's awful to see. The fans decided to show their displeasure at the end of the Hull game and, though I can understand Sam's shock at the reception, I'd never deny any fan the right to show what they think. Too many people forget that the only people who actually pay in football are the supporters, and managers, board and players would do well to remember it.

Is the alternative worse?

But is dull, 'successful' (bearing in mind what I've said above) football good enough? What do West Ham fans want? Well, surprisingly, it's not European football. Everyone knows the club is not capable of achieving or sustaining that. Rather I suspect most supporters are casting their eyes just a few places further up the division at Southampton, who have very much become the old-style West Ham equivalent; attractive flowing football, young players coming through the ranks and a forward-thinking manager.

But let's not forget that in the years after the Dell closed and the Saints moved to St Mary's, third-tier football was the order of the day on the south coast -- and that's the very thing West Ham are trying to avoid. If the club continue in mid-table -- dull football or not -- and are still there a couple of years after moving to the Olympic Park, then I think the fans can look at Southampton and think 'at least we didn't have to sink that low to rise up'.

A headline in a London newspaper perhaps unwittingly summed up West Ham’s plight: 'Can the Hammers sack Allardyce and survive?' Notice that -- it's not sack and prosper, but survive. Because survival is what it is all about, and I simply don't understand anyone who wants to see relegation in order to get 'better football'.

Firstly, who says it will come? Really, apart from the 2006 season under Alan Pardew, have West Ham played much 'Academy football' since Harry Redknapp was sacked? And secondly -- and this is an important point -- how is losing football entertaining or better? I was frustrated on Wednesday night, but if I could replay that game in some type of X-box style world, would I have felt worse if West Ham had drawn or lost? I sure would have.

So when Sam Allardyce says "But we won!", I'm fully behind him because I've seen a lot of the rest and it's no fun either. Anyone who thinks Hammers teams of the past would have torn Hull apart haven't been watching the same side I've seen season after season.

So is there a way out of this conundrum? I believe there is, because, though Allardyce will always build his teams around a solid, defensive base, I genuinely don't believe he wants to see the type of inability to get forward he saw in mid-week. He knew Hull couldn't score from 20-30 yards out, but he also knows that given enough space at that distance a killer ball is likely to find its way in, and the pragmatist in him won't want that. It's also painfully obvious that -- cupped ear aside -- Allardyce has been extremely annoyed this season at his side's inability to get forward.

So I believe the two David's will stick with Sam. Allardyce protects their investment and it's simply good business sense. But money will be made available for the manager to buy a couple of players who can use the ball in those situations. Despite what some fans seem to think, wholesale changes aren't required. I believe a forward with some pace and midfield player comfortable on the ball would make all the difference to the side that struggled so woefully against Hull. Even two wing-backs who could break up play and get forward would stop the type of thing we saw in mid-week.

There will be many then who will disagree, but my argument for sticking with Sam Allardyce is pretty much the same as it was when he was appointed. He's not a West Ham man and he doesn't play Academy football, but no-one else has played it either since Paolo last threw a strop. So if I get angry, frustrated, and want to show my dissatisfaction about the poor return for my financial outlay -- and that's my prerogative -- I'm at least doing it against a man who is likely to get results, however unpalatable.

When West Ham are ensconced in the Budweiser Bobby Moore Stadium and Pep Guardiola is playing the new-style Academy football, then I might look back at dear old Samuel and laugh. Right now, though, I believe -- ironically, it seems -- Sam Allardyce is the only way forward.